The REST of the Story

"Welcome to the K. Krex Evaluation Center! Please have a seat, and we'll begin the exam.

[consulting clipboard] "Ok, let's start by having you cover your left eye and spell out the top line here."

"Uhhh.... M. d. W. 2. K. 1. O?"

"Perfect. Now go ahead and read me the bottom word here."

"Oh man, that's tough. Um...matheridby?"

"Good, good. Now, please cover your right eye and spell out the letters on the bottom line here."

"N... O... T.. T.. P.. P.. L.. B.. S.. S.. S.. S.. L?"

[writing on clipboard] "Mmmhmm. Now, kindly read this for me:"

{squinting} "Uhhh.... Is that even English?"

"Excellent. Moving on, now I'm going to change the lenses over your eye. Tell me which is more in focus:

"Number one...

"...or number two?"

"Gosh, I don't know. They look about the same."

"I see. Ok, for our final test, let's have you put on these glasses and try reading these:"

"Happy....Bir....um... I have no idea what that says."

"And I'd rather not say that one out loud."

"Oh! That's the artist formerly known as Prince, right?"

"Well done. And congratulations - you're hired! Here are your apron and piping bags, and you can pick up your spools of ribbon and plastic flotsam in the morning. Now, go make us proud!

"And a bunch of cupcake cakes."

Thanks to Brandon D., Rosie, Melissa M., Becky, Rebecca M., Sara B., Judy R., Abby M., and Grace N. for the eye-openers.

*****

P.S. Do you wear glasses? Do you like flamingos? Like, a lot?

Pink Flamingo Eyeglass Holder

Because this is adorable.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Artsy Fartsy

[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.

[faint applause]

"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin.

"Our first piece was painted by artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"

"It sells for $490,000.

"Our next piece comes from craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."

"It sells for $893,000.

"The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."

"It sells for $10 million.

"Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."

"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million.

"Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:

'Summer Daisies for Janet'

$7.5 million

'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'

$27.5 million

The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'

$17.5 million

'Texas'

$6.66 million

"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...

'Coffee Cake with Icing'

$6.00

Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.

*****

Speaking of art, anyone remember these?

(Spirograph Design Tin Set)

This is a smaller "travel size" kit that's only $11, but there's also a big deluxe set for a few dollars more. I'm tempted to get one with some neon gel pens and relive my middle school years. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: