10 Wildly Inappropriate Come-On Cakes

NOTE: No, really, these are wildly inappropriate. Not safe for kids! (Work should be fine, though.)

And now...

10 Wildly Inappropriate Pick-Up Lines
for International Flirting Week

 

Looking for love this month? Then why not try baiting your love hook (ew) with cake?

Punny and to the point. Best of all: No horsing around!

 

Admittedly, this will only work for half of you.

 

If you don't have access to cake, you could always write up one of those cute "love coupons."

So many jokes, so many relatives reading this blog.
(Hi, Mom!)

 

Just remember to keep it clean.

Awwww YEAH. Good times, indeed.

 

Maybe you don't want your cake to do all the talking, though. Maybe you just want it to be more of a conversation starter. You know, like this:

"You down with it?" [eyebrow waggle]

 

"Who likes oysters?!"

 

"Welcome... TO THE GUN SHOW."

 

Or if you really want to impress, try a quick serenade:

[singing]

"Oh let me be... YOUR TEDDY BEAR."

Mrowr.

 

And as a last resort, remember: sometimes bribery can work wonders.

"FREE MUSTACHE RI.. [noticing children in the room]... er ... slices!"

"And hey, just so you know: I come with free balloons."

o.0

Clean-up on aisle MY MIND, please. [shudder]

 

Thanks to Allison H., Cortney K., Michelle M., JM, Lauren E., Johnny D., Rosebud, Lara K., Lauren G., & Cat for the pick-me-ups.

*****

P.S. Parents, I don't know if your kids will love this Easter ring toss game or see it as some kind of humiliating punishment... but either way I see potential:

Inflatable Bunny Ears Ring Toss Game (3 Sets)

Plus you get 3 sets!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Labor of Love

Sure, you could go with rubber duckies and baby blocks, but that's sooo last decade. Today's shower cakes are all about the biology of baby-making: tasty and educational!

 

And while you're at it, why not congratulate dad, too?

 

Of course, mom also did her part:

Whoah, whoah, whoah! TMI, Dad, TMI!

 

You could even illustrate the whole process with the aid of disturbing plant analogies:

Raise your hand if you're going to have nightmares about daisies sprouting Alien-style from your midsection tonight. Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Alrighty, then.

 

Granted, the process doesn't always start exactly the same way:

Thank goodness that cup is labeled. Otherwise, we'd have some concerned coffee drinkers on our hands right about now.

 

And what does all this love math equal?

(No, your eyes do not deceive you: that IS a Fetal Bite cookie in that there uterus cake. Excellent.)

 

And that brings us to the Big, Life-Changing Moment!

AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!

 

Yep, I'm changed for life.

 

Casey D., Heidi D., Hillary M., Kristin J., Jess, Shari W., & Tiffany D., when you're ready to have "the talk" with your kids, feel free to come back here for visual aids.

*****

This book has over 2,000 5-star reviews and looks absolutely hysterical, definitely bookmark it for the new parents in your life: