Questionable Taste

No Offense

Since our posts here on CW invariably manage to offend someone, we've decided that *today's* commentary won't be offensive to anyone. Literally. In fact, it's going to be SO inoffensive that I'm trying not to fall asleep as I type thikjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

Huh? What? Where am I? Oh, yeah, non-offensive.

I forgot to mention that I'll be randomly choosing cakes from our archives, so there's really no telling what cakes we'll end up with. Rest assured that the commentary will be completely inoffensive, though. Promise.

Okay, here goes. Our first cake is #4,312:

"Hey-o! Are those supposed to be balloons, or, like, what?"

Huh, this inoffensive stuff is easy! Nothing to it.

Okay, next we have cake #245...

Hm. Inoffensive. Okay. "Boy, oh boy! What a fine, upstanding reputable bird that is! I salute pay respect to the baker who came up with imagined this design! That's not a peacock, is it?"

Alright, so this is kind of hard difficult. I'm sure I'll do better on the next one, though.

Cake #8,062:

[biting lip] Uh. Hang on.

[looks up e-mail]

Well, according to Stetson here, this is actually a bakery display in Colombia. [drumming fingers] Hm. Oh! I know: "Hey, was this decorated by gorillas or something?"

Yeah, I think I'm hitting my stride again. No *way* I'm going to offend anyone with that.

Next!

Cake #4,207:

[crickets chirping]

Okay, last one. [Shaking digital dice] C'mon, inoffensive!

Cake #2,093:

I give up.

Denise, Lisa M., Stetson J., Brindy W., Karin D., & Megan C., if you're still reading this, thanks. I think.

Open Belly, Insert Foot

Friends, countrypersons, CCC-makers (ptooie!):

I've tried to be reasonable.

I've tried to show you the appetite-killing effects of edible mommy bodies:

I've tried to show you the cannibalistic undertones, the disturbing ramifications, and the flat-out creepiness of neck stumps and booby slices.

I've even shared with you the horror stories of raspberry fillings, plastic baked-in babies, and mock C-sections!

All to no avail.

And now - NOW - bakers are adding an homage to the scariest scene in Ghostbusters. Because that scene with the demon dogs pressing their faces through the door? [sing-song] A-DOR-ABLE!

Quick! GET OUT OF THE ARMCHAIR, DANA!!

Sure, they might have started out small...

"Aw, lookit da cutesy-wootsy lil' foot sticking out! Haha! So sweet!"

...but it wasn't long before bakers were pushing the boundaries of what anyone could stomach.

Literally.

(Also, ow.)

And because more is ALWAYS better...

"Leeeet ussss ooooouuuut!!"

...it wasn't long before the laws of physics went completely out the window:

Sweet mercy, woman, TELL ME you're getting an epidural.

So I ask you, fellow citizens, are we to stand for this? Or will we put our foot down, stop toeing the line, and kick belly cakes to the curb once and for all?!

Hey, wait a second. You just saved these photos to your "inspiration" folder, didn't you, bakers? YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, are you??

Oh, fine. Just send me photos when you're done, and we'll call it even.

Thanks to Amy U., Elizabeth M., Alanna E., Amanda R., Mary V., & Holly T. for today's belly laughs.

*****

P.S. This book cracks me up, it's the perfect gift for a baby shower or any mom who needs a laugh: