5 Reasons to be Thankful This Thanksgiving

America, today we eat and drink and eat some more and drink some more and then cram in just one last bite and then have pie.

BECAUSE WE CAN.

And if that's not enough reason to be thankful, then how about these?

5. It's not tornado season.*

Plus those corny giant death rays haven't been seen in at least a few weeks.

 (*Unless, of course, it is. I tried to ask Google, but it only confused me further.)

4. We don't live in the 1600's.

"The whole freezing-with-no-food-or-medicine thing I could take, but a receding hairline? Really? WHY MUST LIFE BE SO CRUEL?!"

3. Your turkey doesn't look like this:

"Uh, I'll just have the deflated balloon salad, please."

2. Someone, somewhere, is having a worse hair day than you.

And apparently a nosebleed.

(Ew.)

And finally, the number one reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving is...

1. Frozen turkeys don't come with their heads.

"Well, what was I supposed to do, throw them out? When we needed a centerpiece?"

Happy Thanksgiving, America! And Happy Nothing Special Day, everyone else!

Thanks to Lyndsay F., Rowan O., Elaine M., Scott S., & Cassandra B., who I'm sure know how to make a LOVELY centerpiece out of turkey heads. And that's what worries me.