SHARKNADO

If you're like me, then all the uproar in the news the past few days has you asking the hard questions about our society. 

Specifically, what the heck is "Sharknado," and why is everyone talking about it?

Well, after extensive research*, I've determined that a sharknado is what happens when one of these:

(*I watched the trailer.)

... picks up some of these:

 

... and dumps them on a group of D-list actors in the midst of painfully-scripted relationship woes.

This is all, of course, due to climate change.

Now, you might expect a tornado dumping the ocean's contents onto dry land to look like this:

Saddest. Birthday cake. EVER.

But happily Hollywood has set the record straight by revealing it would actually look like this:

Only with more chainsaws. And explosions. And bad one-liners. ("Give 'em a hand!")

There are also plenty of bombs being thrown from helicopters because - why didn't I think of this? - the D-list actors have to shoot the sharks out of the sky:

Pew pew, monkey fighters!

If you're starting to think this just might be the greatest movie ever made, then I should warn you that the sharks do NOT come with frickin' laser beams on their heads. (Sorry, Dr. Evil.)

However, it does "star" Tara Reid, so those of us who haven't seen it yet can still hold out hope for a happy ending.

Don't worry; I have it on good authority she went in there with a chainsaw. 

Thanks to Ted S., Jennifer M., Liz B., Boo, Thia S., & Marley Y. for the classic "fish-out-of-water" tale.