Purse Your Lips

"Encounter In A NYC Alley"
A play in one act.

***

"Hey pretty lady, how 'bout a genuine Prawda hand bag?

"100% genuine! Just six hundred dollars!"

"Wait, don't walk away! Hey, mister, don't you want your pretty wife to look pretty? Don't you love your wife? Doesn't your wife deserve Guchi?"

"Five hundred is my final offer, but my kids won't eat tonight!"

[chasing after couple]

"I see you have a discerning eye. Only the best for such distinguished customers!"

"Donny and Bork! $300 but my mom won't get her hip replacement!"

[grabbing wife by the ankles]

"Think of my sick cats! This is a genuine Coatch bag! Seven thousand dollars retail!"

"For you? $200. I'm literally giving it to you for that! I'm losing money!"

[wife now dragging seller across the sidewalk]

"Okay! I was saving this one for my cousin who has rabies but I'm willing to give it to you for just $100. It's a genuine Louise Vitton! You can tell by the zipper!"

...

"FINE! If you'll leave us alone, I'll give you ten bucks for the bag."

"You have literally murdered my children. This is an INSULT. I can't even LOOK at you anymore.

"...Gimme twelve and I'll throw in a free pair of Lowbootins."

"Deal."

Thanks to Kimberly C., Lourdes, Ruby R., Anony M., Sarah D., & Jill D. for knowing these shoes were made for wreckin' - and that they were supposed to be shoes in the first place. 0.o

*****

P.S. The season is rapidly approaching...

...to hang funny-but-menacing yard signs!
They're both metal, and only $8 for the set.