You Say "Redneck" Like it's a Bad Thing

I would like to state for the record that I grew up around a bunch of rednecks, and I have nothing but affection for that Nascar-loving, deer-hunting, Coors-ball-cap-wearing crowd. That said, I'm pretty sure they should never be allowed to plan their own weddings.

Exhibit A:

I have no words.

Exhibit B:

I have words, but none that can be repeated in polite company. Egads, man, the hoof! I don't even want to know what that is inside it - just tell me it's not the cake server, please. [shudder]

Exhibit C:

"We are gathered here today to join this man, this woman, and this truck in holy matrimony..."

Exhibit D:

For a "shotgun wedding" perhaps? (Ba-dum-bump!)

And finally, Exhibit E:

Hey, look, an actual bride and groom topper - no deer heads! Oh, but there IS a deer...and the bride's toting a shotgun...and I'm suddenly in the mood for fruit roll-ups. Huh.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that I couldn't find a Nascar-themed wedding cake. Anyone have one to send me? C'mon: it'll be therapeutic!

Thanks to Chris M., Melody H., Jacy D., and both Anony M.s for their expert Wreckporting!