Cut, Print, That's A Wrap!

If you thought yesterday's picture-of-a-cake-on-a-cake was bad, then wait'll you get a papery bite of these: 

These are printed leopard-print fingerprint cupcakes, which makes about as much sense as a leopard having fingerprints, leaving them on cupcakes, and someone wanting to eat them.

Also, printing your leopard-print fingerprints is for cheetahs. Just sayin'.

Maybe that's not wrecky enough for you, though.
Maybe this blog has left you cynical and jaded.
In which case, A) we should totally hang out, and B) how about this?

Take a moment. Take it allll in. 

("Why, Y? Why, why, why??")

You know, since edible images really are the cheaters' way out (yeah, I SAID IT) I don't think it's too much to ask for Lazy McLazersins to know which way is UP on their big ol' cheat sheet cakes:

"Oooh, what a feeling! When you're holding up the ceiling!"

And what about this one?

It's like the choose-your-own-adventure of cake decals!

 At first I thought the bakery was supposed to just circle the right numbers - or maybe you do that yourself with a Sharpie at home? - but the spacing and orientation is all wrong. Then I saw this one from another store, and I finally realized:  

...that sheet is meant to be cut up, so each number and phrase can be placed individually. But instead, bakeries are just cramming the entire master sheet on the cakes. 

The bakeries of America, everybody! Take a bow!

I'm not sure that's enough paper on our cakes, though. Really, bakers, don't you think you should be gift-wrapping the entire cake with the stuff?

Oh, you already are?

My bad.

Still, call me old-fashioned, but I think edible images should be used the way Wilton intended: to stick our friends' faces on male stripper torsos.

(If you want nightmares, just try to imagine it without the paper face.)

 Hey, at least the leopard print undies aren't printed!

Thanks to Jennifer T., Jessica C., Jennifer J., Heather D., Ashley M., Shelley T., & Carrie C. for reminding me of that time I got a paper cut on my tongue. Plus that other time I dreamed the gingerbread man from Shrek had abs and two nipple rings.