Improper Grooming

Grooms-to-be, we need to talk.

Your future wife has probably been planning her dream wedding since puberty. So your job is to pick a groom's cake that shows you gave this one small decision more than 5 minutes' thought with a Magic 8 Ball while you waited for Halo to load.

So. A few tips:

 

- Don't give your infantile friends the chance to make "Big Melon" jokes: 

Because you know they will, and probably to your future mother-in-law.

(You might avoid this situation by printing out a simple reference guide for your baker:

 

- While we're at it, don't give your friends any openings for "limp hose" jokes, either.

 They'll probably save those for their toasts. 

 

- There is no place for entrails at a wedding. Ever.

Trust me, the bride will hate your guts. 

 

- Do not, under any circumstances, insinuate your bride is a female dog.

Not cool, man. Not cool.

 

- Also avoid any implication that you're having a shotgun wedding...

(...and that multiple shots were required)

 

...or that you were a sitting duck.

(That is a cake, right? The masterful camouflage is making it so hard to see!)

 

- And finally, never, EVER, give your friends and family a reason to think your marriage might go down the crapper:

 

 

Thanks to Todd Kim, Anon M., Katie L., Allison, Anna C., Anon., and Solli S. for joining me in a rousing rendition of "Here Comes the Snide."

Say Again?

It's a fundamental fact of life that the more ridiculously off base a misspelling, the funnier it is.

So, "Congradulations?" Not particularly funny. "Controdulatior?" Funny.

And this?

HYSTERICAL.

 

Then there are the times when everything is technically spelled correctly, but...

(I don't know what's happening here, but I "like" it.)

 

I guess we can't judge this next wreckerator too harshly, since "Bon Voyage" isn't actually English; it's French. And we can't expect bakers to know French, now, can we? OF COURSE NOT. So don't even THINK about laughing. Seriously. It's a simple, honest-to-goodness mistake that ANYONE could easily ma...uh.

Oh, dear.

 

Never mind. 

("Have a nice trip! See you next fail!")

 

Thanks to Deb, Deborah A., & Terye B. for the stop, drop, and ROTFL.